You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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