If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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