phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
