I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
