I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
