I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
