Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
