did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
