I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
