dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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