I heard we made out
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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