What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
