walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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