why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
