Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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