remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
