btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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