I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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