When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize