Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
