remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
