I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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