I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
