i just had sex bonerless
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
