just come out here and I will go home with you...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
