well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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