You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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