just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
