the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
