You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
