my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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