Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
