And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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