she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
