also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
