you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
