i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
