You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
