Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
