hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
