Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
