Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
