Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
