question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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