I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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