So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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