does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
