I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize