Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
