So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
