After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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