God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
