New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
