You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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