I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize