i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
