My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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