I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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