he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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