After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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