when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
