How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We named our party play list daddy issues
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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