yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
