Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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