Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
