i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
