I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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