she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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