Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
