There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
