so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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