Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
