who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Are we still banned from the library?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
