I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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