I wish you could order shots online.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
