We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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