god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
