He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I love you. Go after that dick
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
