i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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