i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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