have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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