Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
