Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
