just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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