Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
