she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
