no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
be right there i have to get my cape
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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