why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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