To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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