saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
