She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
