The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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