and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
