Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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