So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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