Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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