I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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